I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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