I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize