I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
