you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
