My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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