I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
