just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
