Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
