Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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