apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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