If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
