I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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