I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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