I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
