i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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