oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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