thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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