I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize