Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
