I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
