hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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