two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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