i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't think brook has ever known best
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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