Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
