I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize