whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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