You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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