i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize