I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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