I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
