we have officially lost it.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize