The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
