Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
