it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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