Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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