im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
