I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
