Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
