the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
