Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
