I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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