I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
