I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
All I want is dick and wine.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
