Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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