I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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