yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize