I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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