watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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