Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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