I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize