Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
