I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
