Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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