Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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