we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
