So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
This toilet bowl is my home.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
