Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
