Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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