No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We are two peas in an std pod
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
