You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
