I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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