He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
