Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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