The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You've changed since you got that strap on
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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