My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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