I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
