I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
