I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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