If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
