i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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