Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
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