Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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