people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
