I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
