Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
