Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
