When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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