i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize