Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize