and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
