he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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