The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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